i wish i was as pretty as my icon
OMG tumblr just suggested a blog to me but the post they put on my dash was one of really scary horror gifs and I cannot handle those images you may thing I’m a whiny baby but really, like, that kind of thing, I cannot see or I won’t be able to feel safe in my own house for weeks. I’m really upset now and i feel like crying. Shit why did that have to happen?
like I’m seriously having an anxiety attack right now.
idk what to do…
i usually find that watching several episodes of something like the powerpuff girls, or maybe my little pony or something, helps a bit.
maybe I’m shallow or something but it would be really nice, just for once, to not feel like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes. I swear whenever I try to talk about this my people just think that I want to be trendy or have fancy stuff or something. I just want to feel like myself. I’m tired of going out and constantly thinking the whole time “oh god please don’t look at me, I’m not me, this isn’t me, i swear, I should’ve stayed at home”.
I’ve spent years feeling like everybody was looking at me and judging me whenever I wore something cuter than jeans and baggy hoodie (not helped by the “friends” who made fun of me whenever I dressed “like a girl”). I’ve started owning my style only this year and the part of me that screams WHAT ARE YOU DOING WEARING HOT PANTS EVERYBODY IS JUDGING YOU is quieting down at last. It’s….an interesting kind of journey, feeling like yourself in what you like.
well if i’m wearing what I like, I have no problems. but like 95% of the time i’m stuck wearing some old cargo shorts, some hand-me-down shirt, sneakers, and socks that are way too big for me. I think it wouldn’t be so much of a problem if it weren’t for people’s insistence on introducing me as someone fashionable. like i’ll have some random shit on because laundry, and they’ll be like “this is alyssa, she really cares about her clothes! look at them!!”
and i am seriously so FUCKING PISSED at the people that belittled all that to me wanting to be fashionable or some shit.
I really don’t know how to express this.